Monday, November 24, 2014

Repatriation - one week later

It seems strange to know that I've been back in the U.S. for a full week now. Strange because it feels as if I've been here forever but also strange because the experience of living in Qatar is always on my mind. The unnerving part of this strangeness is that I frequently catch myself thinking that I will return to Doha. Simple things like buying something at a store and immediately wanting to make sure we take delivery before I have to return. And then I realize I'm not returning. Besides these moments of realization, I've been very busy settling back into our home, taking delivery of my shipment, and placing things around our home that were part of my life in Doha.

I've actually been surprised throughout the last week that I've had relatively few moments of remorse about leaving Doha. I assume it is because I was so excited to get home to be with Diane and the rest of the family. What I miss most about Doha are the people with who I interacted on a daily basis. Everyone from my work colleagues to security staff, cleaning staff, trainers and workout friends in the fitness room - I miss them all and have moments when I simply long to see them and exchange good wishes.

The funniest part of my return occurred the first night back. I went to bed early after the 14+ hour flight and woke up at 1:30 a.m Chicago time. My mind was racing on all sorts of things from work-related, to acclimating to Chicago, to things I wanted to do. Obviously, 1:30 a.m. was not a time that I could ask Diane to get up to talk or for me to go to the piano for a little practice. I knew I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to start a list of things on my mind. Well, seven pages of hand-written notes later, I had a full list of tasks I want to dive into, ways I want to influence U.S. higher education, places I want to go, and volunteer/enrichment activities I want to pursue in retirement. After Diane got up 5 hours later, she asked me what I had been doing. What exploded from me was a bit overwhelming and later when I described the scene to Devin (oldest daughter) she commented that maybe I should consider taking my foot off the accelerator!

I plan to keep track of how things unfold over the next weeks and months through my blog. Understanding the process of repatriating is as important as understanding how expatriate choose to work abroad and how they engage the experience. Thus far, repatriation and reverse culture shock seem to be less of a hurdle than I anticipated.

Sunday, November 09, 2014

One week left

Over the last couple of months I began the logistical and emotional journey of repatriating to the U.S. after seven years in Qatar. Since this isn’t only a journey to a different place but a journey to a different way of being, I haven’t really known what to expect. As of this last weekend, the logistics are pretty much in place – had a garage sale, sold the car and piano, and completed the preparation for shipping my belongings. I still have the processes of cancelling my residence permit, clearing my ville, arranging bank closure, and a couple of other things but the week is manageable.

The emotional journey has been a mix of everyday life coupled with occasional moments where I suddenly react, “Oh, this is the last…” Because I am so excited about being back with my family, the idea of not seeing some of my friends and colleagues here has not been bad but I anticipate that, as the time nears, I am likely to struggle.

An odd emotional moment occurred in bidding farewell to my piano on this last Friday morning. I had to leave early to participate in a student leadership development desert challenge so I left my ville key with the family who bought the piano, allowing them to pick up the piano whenever they could. As I was waiting to be picked up at 7:30 a.m., I played several Rachmaninoff pieces, ending with the Rachmaninoff Prelude IV, Op. 23, No. 4. The Prelude IV was the first piece I picked up when I began to get serious about practicing again so it has a special meaning to me as the invitation to what has been a rediscovery of music in my life.

The Prelude IV, Op. 23, No. 4 concludes with a last crescendo from pianissimo to mezzo forte, a silent (and in my interpretation prolonged) pause, and a very simple a-major 7th chord resolving into d-major. My body reacts to this final phrase by gradually releasing a deep and long breath as the last crescendo rises. Then my body automatically draws in a quick a renewing breath in the pause and then releases a final exhale as the final two chords resolve quietly in a never- ending and peaceful silence. The notes and the entire experience of breathing with the music are a relief to my body and my heart. I hope that the little piano that gave me so much pleasure understood what I was saying…

I have been so privileged to work in Qatar, to discover worlds I never imagined, and to rediscover music as a central part of my life. Many, many years ago I thought I wanted to be a concert pianist but the pressure of performance made me too nervous to play my best when performing for others; thus, I moved to higher education. The journey of higher education has been incredible and fulfilling, ending with this last crescendo in Qatar. Perhaps, I’ll have a last crescendo with music when I return to be with Diane, the girls, our sons-in-law, and little Reese…