Rosenberg - Nonviolent Communication

The effectiveness of leadership depends on numerous skills that vary in their importance across different situations. Communication is always on of the list and learning how to be effective by not raising defenses or imposing one’s will in leadership is a great asset. Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: a language of life (2015) offers ideas about improving communication that are straightforward, with repetition of the principles in examples, which lock them into the reader’s thinking.

Deepak Chopra’s forward to the book references the nonviolent movement in India called Ahimsa, an idea originating from Mahatma Gandhi’s peaceful protests against the British. Ahimsa involves both action and consciousness, traits Chopra attributed to the way Rosenberg lived his life. There is a level of selfless awareness when we are able to feel one with nature, art, or music and it is this kind of peace that allows for a connection through compassion, even in situations involving conflict. This compassion is the foundation of nonviolent communication.

Nonviolent communication (the NVC model) involves four components; 1) observe what is actually happening in a situation without judgment, 2) state how we feel when we observe this action, 3) say what needs of ours are connected to the feelings we have about it, and 4) communicate the actions we request in order to make things better.

Rosenberg goes into much greater detail on what prohibits or helps to achieve honest and empathic communication. Moralistic judgments alienate by conveying a sense that something is right or wrong, compares things as better or worse, and also denies the shared responsibility that occurs in poor communication. Communicating through demand prohibits compassion. By contrast, the emotional liberation of being authentic in our communication allows us to respond to the needs of others out of compassion, something that becomes fulfilling both for us and the other person. Requests for concrete actions also help by avoiding vague, abstract, or ambiguous language. Empathy is then a result of respectful understanding of what others are experiencing, in effect getting into the mind and soul of the other person.

One might think that nonviolent communication would only be useful in mildly uncomfortable situations but Rosenberg indicates that NVC is most important when we are most distraught. He writes, “If we are truly angry, we would want a much more powerful way to fully express ourselves.” He asserts that NVC is a more powerful way to communicate our displeasure and move toward resolution for others and ourselves. Ultimately, the NVC process nurtures mutual concern and respect that honors the other person’s needs while helping both to realize their interdependence in the disagreement. Rosenberg reflects that this is the essence of Martin Buber’s “I-Thou” relationship where two individuals express themselves vulnerably and authentically, thus creating a deeper bond.